Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
