new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
