That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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