I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
