I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
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It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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