made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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