The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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