I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Someone shattered a urinal.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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