And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
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I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
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Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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