Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
