are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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