my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
