After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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