My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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