I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
my poor anus
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
