just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
