I want to have your abortion
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
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