I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
