In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I got her a Nickelback box set.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
