I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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