omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
