To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
