is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
