She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
