Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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