Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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