Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
