she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
