I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
