also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
