It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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