mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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