Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize