there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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