Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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