I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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