Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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