I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
