There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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