Your mouth is God's brothel.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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