I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
