I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
