I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
