just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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