Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
