today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
