farters have to be the big spoon...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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