if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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