She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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