Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
