didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
