if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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