No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
