when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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