this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
