so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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