Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
