So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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