Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
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I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
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I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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