We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
