birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Randomize