i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
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My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
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Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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