Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize