She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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