i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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