ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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