piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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