I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
