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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
