Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
