You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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