Do you still have your period?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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