I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
