she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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