we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
