Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
