Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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