he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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